By Accident or By Design
by beenworkingonacoktail
Summary: --Kurogane x Fai-- They know very well what they know, what is important, what’s held close, and what the both of them decide to do about it, by accident or by design, is --their business-- not worth much attention, is it.


**Title**: By Accident or By Design  
**Pairing**: Kurogane x Fai  
**Words**: 2420  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Genre**: Um… a bit of humour, something I wouldn't really call romance, and stuff  
**Spoilers**: Vague hints for Fai's backstory; the events of Ch 211 that relate to Fai  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing; CLAMP does. Isn't that lovely?

**Summary/Excerpt**: They know very well what they _know_, what _is_ important, what's held _close_, and what the both of them decide to do about it, by accident or by design, is _(**their business**)_ not worth much attention, is it.

Future-fic assuming that Fai settles in Nihon, in which I'm trying to take overly-used setups (_**for a certain display of affection**)_ and bring them around enough to make them seem plausible. I hope.

**A/N**: I'm getting there, Wallpaper-san, slowly but surely =D

**A/N':** Special note for ff (dot) net version: *CRIES!!!* I want the strikethrough tag, give me the strikethrough tag, pleeeaaaaaaaaseeee, ff (dot) net!! *recovers* Right. Due to circumstances beyond my control (*shakes fist*) the fic can't be displayed properly. There should have been strikethroughs, glorious strikethroughs, but instead there is this (_**text that should have been under a strikethrough and therefore esthetically pleasing and and so on**_). If you'd like to read the fic with its original formatting, and I'd rather suggest you do, you can do so here: http: // ellethill. livejournal. com. 44951 . html (after editing the link properly, of course *sighs*) or just follow the link to my website on my profile page - you can find the fic under the "fic" or "tsubasa" tags. Thank you.

* * *

It's his fault.

There's an attack on Shirasaki castle, and the courtyard is brimming with black-clad ninja (theirs and not), and blood-stained blades are gleaming in the moonlight. Of them alone Fai shines with colour, and you'd think that would make him something of a target, but they've either not heard of him or they're bent set on matching skill with Kurogane (or getting him out of the way), because there's a melee around the man and more and more are joining in.

Fai wouldn't worry normally, he barely worries now, because if Kurogane wanted to he could blast the whole lot of them ten feet away (it's not like his techniques are hidden, and Fai nearly shakes his head in pity of the spies) but Kurogane hasn't slept in something like two days preparing for this raid (there are secret attacks, and there are _secret_ attacks, and this lot hasn't mastered any), and maybe sleeping as little himself has a say in it too, because right now Fai isn't trusting luck or how things should be, and he fights his way closer.

It's why he's near enough to see two of them playing dirty (though maybe for a ninja it's okay, Fai wouldn't know) and two small knives flashing at Kurogane's back, and he can't work his magic because his hands are busy keeping two other blades from gutting _him_, and Kurogane turns just as Fai shouts "Behind you!", which is silly, he knows, because _of course_ Kurogane had felt them, he doesn't need to _look_, and Fai can't see what happens next because now there's another at his back as well, and he turns, skips, and lashes out, and to his left there is a strong, familiar discharge of power (ki, it's called ki) and there are groans and screams as the ninja are thrown away.

Fai turns with a tired, relieved grin on his face and—

Kurogane isn't standing.

Fai's world drops away through him.

He curses as he runs, and prays, and can't believe he's never really seen this coming because this always always _always_ happened and how could he have dared to hope to think to be confident that it would be different this time and he can't go through this again he can't he can't he can't he can't be dead, it's too stupid, like this, and Fai doesn't believe it—

And Kurogane gets up groaning and knocks away a hand clutched at his shoulder, another from his waist, cursing and snapping all the way (--_damn idiot moronic fools grabbing me down_--) and Fai desperately wants to _hit_ him, _shake_ him, _scream_ at him, because for a few moments Fai had been in hell (--how could he _fall_ like that--) and his right hand rises just as he runs the last step near and—

he grabs a hold of Kurogane's shoulder and kisses him. Simple. And he has no idea why, because even if-- _even if_, it's (**_so anticlimactic_**) really not the right time. He's sure he feels just as surprised as Kurogane looks, and before he can think of what to say, of _why_, there is movement around them, and they fall back into the fight.

They don't discuss it. Ever.

Never discuss, that is.

* * *

It's his fault.

They're sitting in one of the gardens in something of a break (Kurogane from breaking in the newest batch of guards, Fai from learning to read Nihon's language) and leaning in the shade. The cool tree bark is rough against their backs, and in the quiet they can hear the sound of a small stream nearby; the garden is man-made and artfully contrived, and not at all connected with the rest of the day, because Kurogane, for instance, will have to go back soon, and his throat will start aching from shouting out commands again, and it's around midday so the sun will be blazing in an hour, and as he sits there frowning, hands loosely clenching and unclenching by his sides, he can't appreciate the lull.

So he looks over at the mage to tell him that he's leaving (he'll rest much better when the day is done)-- and stops to stare, because in that moment Fai looks (_**sickeningly**_) (**_stupidly_**) sim(_**ply**_) beautiful – no burdens on his shoulders, and no secrets to fear, and his pale, open face stretched up into the brush of light filtering through the leaves. He looks light and at peace.

And everything is almost _begging_ for it, every inch of the space around them, and Kurogane thinks about letting the moment pass just so he could spite the universe (his choices are his own, and he's fed up with people thinking they can mess with his life) but then Fai turns his way, having felt watched, no doubt, and his eyes are – both – _blue_ and _bright_, and Kurogane remembers, everything

he thinks _screw it_, leans in, and kisses the infuriating mage, the liar, the man without a name or life, the half-creature of blood and magic, and the present as well.

He's (**_marginally_**) properly surprised when Fai answers in kind (why wouldn't he be, he hasn't really thought of this himself, much less debated what the other feels or thinks) and when Kurogane pulls back there is no smile on his face, but there's determination, and intent. Fai looks at him with a clear, honest gaze, surprise seeping away (quickly, and Kurogane can't decide whether to be relieved, insulted, or thoroughly intrigued by that) and (**_mercifully_**) (_thankfully_, for _Fai's_ sake) he doesn't crack a joke, or tease. His smile, instead, is gentle, and everything he would have been without fate interfering, everything he is now.

And Fai would have reached out, Kurogane suspects, if they hadn't been interrupted by a summons (but that's alright, the world really is made by these clichés sometimes, and their rhythm is comforting and real).

They leave the shade and walk into the sunlight (and that is also a cliché, but neither of them minds).

* * *

It's no one's fault.

It's the sake.

They're not exactly drunk, because neither of them is a lightweight (many, many people have been drunk right under the table when matching wits and heads with Fai; it was their fault they wouldn't listen when Kurogane _told_ them the man was a sponge) but not having to be on guard, from the world or each other, has a way of making alcohol stick. And as they're sitting on the floor right now, bottles both full and empty scattered round the room, things are… not worth thinking about too much.

Half an hour ago (maybe. who's keeping track.) they'd started playing a game that Fai had woozily brought up, and the differences in their lives lead them to drink; and drink; and drink some more.

"I've never flown ", says Kurogane. Fai drinks and looks back at him, grinning.

"I've never spit out milk in horror," he snickers, and Kurogane scowls, taking a swig.

"Never threw up from sushi."

A drink, and Fai blows him a happy raspberry.

"I've never run after a chicken."

A drink. "Where the hell are you getting these ideas?" Kurogane asks him, apparently quite serious. Fai merely shrugs, wearing an obviously fake innocent smile.

"I've never painted," Kurogane says.

Drink

"I've never got sun-burns," Fai grins, blazing.

Drink

"I've never had to sit in for a fitting." (he'd managed to escape Tomoyo and her needles every time) Fai drinks with relish.

"What, really?"

"Ceremonial robes," Fai nods, then leans against a wall.

"That's sad," says Kurogane, his head shaking.

After a while Fai says "I've never played games as a child."

Kurogane raises the bottle-- His head whips around, "_What?_"

"Or I might have," Fai shrugs, smiles back a little. "I must have. Don't really remember… from before…"

Kurogane tries hard not to think what that's like. The alcohol is helping.

"…I've… never helped out in a birth," he says.

Fai takes a long, big swig and Kurogane quirks an eyebrow. "Really?"

Fai nods (much too enthusiastic to be sober, considering. Or at least, Kurogane frowns, that's what he _thinks_). "Oh yes, lots. You wouldn't believe what being a royal wizard doubled up as," Fai giggles. Kurogane thinks he's insane. All is right with the world again.

Fai waves his hands around, splashing some liquor right and left (and almost into Kurogane's face, but he's able to duck out of the way). "My turn, my turn," he says. Then-- "Umm, I've never… never… fished. I've never fished."

Drink

"Never fallen asleep on duty."

No drink.

"I've never got lost in a blizzard."

No drink

"I've never… written poetry."

Fai hesitates, then sets the bottle down. "It was more of a rhyming text; I wrote it for a wedding." He smiles again, a little sad. "Such a beautiful wedding… I hope they're well." He raises the half-empty bottle in a vague toast, then sets it down and says "I've never had a kiss."

Kurogane keeps staring at him (he had been staring since before), blinks, reaches out a hand and drags Fai forward by his gi (Nihon clothes look just _horrible_ on Fai, and he's made sure the mage - full mage again, now. ha. - is well aware), kisses him, once, then shoves him back.

"Drink," he says, looking straight ahead, and takes a swig himself.

* * *

It's both their fault (and whoever left the damn railing soaking wet. It might have been the rain.)

The mage is happily defying gravity up on the second floor, while Kurogane watches from below, bored stiff. It's spring and new and Fai is filled with life, too much of it after an almost-silent, carefully-not-brooding winter, and even he must know he's overdoing it, but cheer works like a balm for him and now he's taking one large, heavy dose, because he can.

There is a cat stalking along the banister and some fool idiot had dared the mage to join it in a game of do-as-it-does-and/or-worse (_some_one had let the nicknames slip) and Fai, the even bigger fool, had grinned and eased himself right up, one handhold and foothold after another. Kurogane's hoping he trips and falls. It might teach him a lesson. (No. It won't. At all. But Fai's shocked face would at least be a treat, right?)

It's been too quiet during winter, and Kurogane's really _bored_.

The cat is long and lean, and ignores the attention, which is fine in itself since most of it is focused on the mage. There are cheers from down on the ground, and, as more and more people gather round to watch, Fai starts bowing every fifth step, skipping on one leg, then the other, holding his balance perfectly.

When the cat reaches destination (or otherwise gets bored) it jumps down on the floor, and Fai turns back to his adoring public, miming dismay. Excited spurs rise up, and he takes yet another flashy bow before he jumps into a handspring, that grin of his not once leaving his face. The cheers erupt again, and Kurogane shakes his head, disgusted.

There are spins next, and hand-walking, and Fai balances on one hand as if he weighs nothing at all, which is almost entirely true, considering (the man is and will always be much too thin to be healthy). And now people are gasping, and the children who'd hurried by are ooooh-ing and aaaaah-ing as if they've never seen anything like it (which they haven't, Kurogane realises) and pretty soon they're all starting to clap as if they're looking at the finest show on earth.

The few ninja standing by Kurogane are watching silently, and Kurogane smirks because these men have seen Fai in a fight (lost to him too, when the mage had been serious) and every trick he plays out for the crowd speaks of the toned strength of his arms and legs, and every twist and turn can be made to be deadly, or harmful at the least, and Fai is dangerous and strong, and chooses not to show it.

And then Fai slips, the people scream, and even though he _knows_ he shouldn't Kurogane darts forward.

In the split second when this happens Fai twists himself enough that Kurogane could well make a decent grab, but Kurogane stops, pulls back, and Fai stomps heavily down on the ground, keeping a tight reign on his balance. It's almost like everything has been planned this way (and Kurogane wouldn't have put it past the mage if Fai's eyes hadn't been so large when he had first reached for the man), and Fai swallows a breath before he turns to face the crowd, smiling winningly through a final bow.

The people swarm around him, worried, delighted, and in awe, and Fai has entirely won them over, and probably landed himself the thankless job of entertaining them during the coming festival, if they gather the nerve to ask (and once they ask, they'll never stop). He accepts compliments with grace and waves away concerns, ruffling the children's hair as they look up at him, enthralled. After a while the people start to pour away, and soon enough there's only Kurogane left (the other men beside him had left a little earlier, muttering to themselves; Kurogane had looked at their retreating backs and grinned).

Fai gives a last enthusiastic wave and then lowers his arm. He turns to Kurogane and walks toward him, and when he stops a shoulder's breadth away he's looking almost sheepish.

"There was a splash of water on the railing," he offers.

Kurogane looks down at him, arms crossed and scowling. "You weren't paying attention," he throws back. "Any idiot could have seen it."

Fai has the gall to act embarrassed, ducking his head. When he looks up again his eyes are gleaming.

"Kuro-sama was there to catch me," he almost purrs, delighted.

"You didn't need it," Kurogane says, and his frown doesn't budge.

"No," Fai admits, tilting his head a little to the side, "but it is good to know." And then he comes closer with just another step and brushes right past Kurogane, who snorts, shakes his head, and stalks after.

* * *

But it is not important who's at fault, or even if anyone is. They know very well what they _know_, what _is_ important, what's held _close_, and what the both of them decide to do about it, by accident or by design, is (**_their business_**) not worth much attention, is it.

* * *

**A/N 2**: Before everyone starts taking out the torches and pitchforks, I'd like to say that the fic wasn't actually supposed to end this way ^^;; Oh, I'd planned something vaguely deep and interesting (I _researched_, yup, I researched the history of kissing, because while I knew the traditional Japanese take on kisses I had no clue on the Russian or Viking ones (I assumed Celes was modelled after one culture or the other, considering the written language looked either cyrillic or rune-like)) about the way one culture frowned on or ignored them and the other either, to quote an article, held them as one of the most beloved traditions, or set up traditions involving them (the Vikings should have brought about the kissing-under-the-mistletoe tradition) but while I was trying to shape it into something not resembling a lecture it hit me that _ohgod_, if I'm treating them as real people while writing about them then they should have _privacy_ and _ack!_ And so this is what came out as the ending instead. Um.

In the meantime I was also giggling happily because during the research (*laughs*) I'd discovered a Russian wedding tradition (we have it too, yay! although slightly different) in which the bride and groom bite into a loaf of bread (which symbolizes health, long life and prosperity) and the one taking the larger bite is said to wear the pants in the family – and I crackishly imagined Fai and Kurogane's wedding ceremony (*breaks out laughing*) in which they include some Celesian customs, and Fai tells Kurogane nothing about their significance, and since the bread would be smeared with a thin layer of honey and therefore sweet (well… it is in our version of the tradition… anyway) he'd take as small a bite as possible, and Fai (and Tomoyo, because he'd definitely tell her) would snicker while Fai chewed on his (significantly bigger) bite.

Um. Yeah.

* * *


End file.
